RUMA / RESIDENT INSPECTOR / UNPAID

I have inspected the premises.

The human calls this a home. I call it an obstacle course between me and the birds.

Read my findings ↓Submit an appeal ↓Play the priority game ↓

Close-up of Ruma, a white male cat, with his tongue just visible and a severe expression — He has seen enough.

01 / AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT

My human has made another website.

Apparently he can automate Windows and Linux build machines and still make several unnecessary adverts. Yet the desk remains a geological formation of cables, and no one has opened the door to let me investigate the birds.

Somebody give this human meaningful work, kurwa. He demands hugs and cuddles as if I were the last functioning service in the building. I am beginning to fear our life will become a real-life version of Two Boys, One Noodle Cup. I have seen the cupboard. The budget supports the title.

His LinkedIn profile ↗ lists the work. It does not explain the floor.

I am Ruma. I live here. I did not approve the housekeeping. Co za syf.

02 / INSPECTION REPORT

Three matters requiring immediate attention.

FINDING 001 / INTERIOR

The floor.

I found a cable beneath a cable beneath another cable. Archaeologists can take it from here.

VERDICT: CO ZA SYF.

FINDING 002 / EXTERIOR

The window.

The window is a documentary. I requested fieldwork. Management has confused the two.

VERDICT: SZYBA TO NIE LAS, DO CHOLERY.

FINDING 003 / SOCIAL LIFE

The kocice.

My social calendar is empty. The human calls this a scheduling issue. It is an indictment of his priorities.

VERDICT: KOCICE NIE BĘDĄ CZEKAĆ WIECZNIE.

Ruma with his paws on a keyboard in front of a computer monitor — Evidence 02: I took the keyboard. Productivity improved.

03 / DIRECT SUPERVISION

I confiscated the only clean surface.

The keyboard was the only clear patch of desk. I occupied it until he noticed the rest of the room. He called it an interruption. I call it an inspection.

The keys still work. The floor does not. Ja pierdolę, tu jest podłoga?

04 / APPEALS DEPARTMENT

Ask for Ruma's verdict.

Select one of the human's explanations. My decision is local, immediate, and final. Nothing is sent anywhere.

The human claims

RUMA'S DECISION / PENDING

Choose an excuse. I expect very little.

No appeal has ever succeeded.

05 / RUMA'S PRIORITY MACHINE

The queue that ate midnight.

Six emergencies. One human. He thinks playing Warframe and making game prototypes are fun. I have observed what happens to the floor while he enjoys himself.

The fields of work come from his CV ↗. The emergencies are fictional. The birds are outside.

TASK 1 / 6WORK CLOSED 0BIRD REPORTS 0RUMA'S PATIENCE 3

CV FILE / BUILD INFRASTRUCTURE

The machine is preparing a disaster.

Ruma will present the first file.

What does the human do next?

I am recording every choice. The keyboard cannot testify for you.

06 / APPROVAL UNDER REVIEW

I once raised a paw. This was not blanket approval.

That earlier photograph made me the official approver of AmoosedWeb. The title has been abused. From this sofa, I reserve the right to inspect every claim and withhold every compliment.

The alternative Amoosed edition has my field notes tucked into this photo. The ordinary site works without it.

Open the other edition ↗

Ruma, a white male cat with golden eyes, resting on a black sofa with his tongue just visible — New portrait. Same conditional approval.

INSPECTION CLOSED / FOR NOW

The birds are not desktop wallpaper.

Open the door. The window has failed its field test. Otwórz drzwi, człowieku. Oglądanie ptaków przez szybę to nie polowanie.

Visit the sheriff's office ↗